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B&A: Critique my first 248 words, please?
He jumped the next step as if it was supposed to be thrilling. Cameron kicked a few cobbles before returning to his pace. Down the flight of stairs, he could feel the sun coming off him. He swore if he got through this test, the next night he’d be celebrating in the mage’s burn treatment room. The irony overwhelmed him. With this in mind, he chuckled – looking like a delusional desert traveler. He came to a stop, seeming confused; he twisted his arm into his pocket. He pulled out a pocket watch. Not wasting his time adorning its craftsmanship, he flipped it open. The second hand mocked pocket watch parts eay uk him after he noticed the time: ten after two. Cameron’s fingers turned restless and the watch almost slipped away. He dove into his other pocket and gazed over the items now cupped in his palm. His face reddened counting each of them. One was part of an egg shell; another was a rusted chain; another was an empty spool of thread. “One short!” He yelled. Looking around, of course, there was no one within earshot. A road wasn’t far to the side of him. Behind him was a stone structure that he supplied the phrase ‘ancient building’ to. From the looks of it, it may have been some monument used to get higher up in worship of the sky. Cameron thought, reusing his favorite word, *must be some ancient ritual grounds*. The rest of the area was a field of overgrown grass. –Critique is always appreciated! Harshness will only help me remember!Thanks in advance! =)Also – any bit gripping at all? Or totally dull?~Silly Turtle@S.K. – Your critique was actually a hilarious read. Thanks for taking your time to go through all the details and give examples. I really appreciate it! I also appreciate the third answer! Now some of my mistakes are very clear. Just gotta remember not to make them again Also, my writing ego is very tiny to begin with, so…
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